jackiesavicannon's Cancer Blog
June 11, 2009
“I am guessing everyone who has dealt with cancer treatment has a similar list. The following are true conversations I had during the course of my 2 year treatment plan.”
#5… “I had to get a lump checked as well. It was really scary waiting for the test results. I can only imagine what you are going through.” No you can’t because your tests were negative! Duhh!
#4…Getting on the Survivor Dragon Boat against my will at the 2006 races just weeks after my diagnosis (you can read the whole story in my book The Pink Notes). As I am sitting there starring at the floor this woman asks me “Are you a survivor?” Am I being punked? What boat am on?
#3…This person was trying to ‘help’: “I told my kids even if they didn’t want to play with Owen and Emma (my children) they had to let them come over” Thanks but no thanks.
#2…This came from a fellow soccer mom: “My friend is a nurse and she said that when a young woman gets cancer, the outcome is usually not good.” Eeeyah. Nice. She either thought I was really old or I was going to die.
#1…This came from a woman I knew in high school who notoriously said inappropriate thing so I found it more comical than anything. “My husband does research in HIV/AIDS and he said he would much prefer having HIV over Cancer because the survival rate was so much better.” If this is indeed true, my heart rejoices for those of you with HIV/AIDS. This in turn means I win the award for having the scariest disease on the planet! Yeeahh me!
As I have said before, life threatening is a matter of perception. I am sure you have a top 5 list worst things someone said to you while going through a difficult time. I would love to hear yours.
MY TOP 5 WORST THINGS PEOPLE SAID TO ME DURING CANCER TREATMENT:, 
10 comments)
Thanks for your support - 
Jackie—
You are right, people can be such clods sometimes when being in the presence of someone who has cancer. I was dx’d with anal cancer—that conjures up all kinds of reactions from people. They usually don’t say much, just change the subject. But the look on their face is priceless. I’m not a mind reader, but I’ve got to believe that what first crosses their mind is “glad it’s not me” or “eeeeeeeeeew.” I used to not want to tell people what kind of cancer I had, but as my colorectal doctor reminded me “we all have one”—anus that is! :)
Martha
Ugh! People can be so insensitive! The one I had experienced was “Oh I am glad it is just breast cancer”. I guess this person thought breast cancer is completely curable.
Ok now you have me thinking, I haven’t really had any worse things said, just the same questions I have to answer over and over like describing every chemo symptom and how long it lasts. Ok one question that bugs me is when they ask so what causes that symptom? How the heck should I know when I can’t even pronounce the medicines I get in the treatment let alone know why they do what they do!
Oh this is such a fun ride isn’t it? That HIV/AIDS thing has me worried if that is better than cancer we are all in trouble!
hugs,
Amy
Jackie, I enjoyed your post. You’ve got a way with words. It made me start questioning myself, “Have I ever said anything that thoughtless to someone?”
The only bad thing that someone said to me that I can remember was something my student repeated from his mother. I was having the cancer discussion to prepare my first graders (I’m a teacher) and asked if anyone knew what cancer was. This student said, “My mother says you have caterpillars that are eating your bones up.” I immediately said, “That’s not true” and explained what cancer really was. Later I had a talk with the mom and she said she was just trying to explain cancer in terms a child could understand. Uh, how about explaining it in factual terms??? lol
One thing I hear over and over is: You are strong, you can beat it, and the conversation switches to their needs. PUKE!
These people have no Freckin clue what I am going through and how strong, STRONG has to be to win! I am starting a fund and buying them all clues!
Sonia
I just have one. The woman who has the office next to mine, and who is known for saying the wrong thing whenever the opportunity arises, said “I heard about what’s going on with you. You know, you’re not the first person here to get breast cancer and you probably won’t be the last.” Hmm. Thank you?? I think she really meant well and that it just came out wrong, but I had a fleeting moment where I wanted to slug her. I was not wandering the halls rending my cloth and gnashing my teeth over this. I was spending my time working hard to ensure that my being out during treatments didn’t interfere with anyone’s work! Anyway, I was lucky to just have the one bad experience. Everyone else was wise enough to say nothing or “It’s good to see you back,” which I thought was the perfect thing to say.
Peace,
Kathy
How about this…Someone we don’t know well called someone we do know well and told her to tell us that “chemo doesn’t work” and if we want to know about alternative treatments she would be happy to give us some information. Unfortunately my friend who passed on the information had the lapse in judgment to do so,she got an earful from me! This was at the beginning of my husband’s stage IV diagnosis, we did not have time to explore alternative treatments. I know she meant well, but the nerve!
We’ve also heard “oh so and so gets swollen lymph nodes all of the time and it’s not cancer. Maybe yours really isn’t cancer.” I just said “oh, that’s good” and put this person in the “HAS NO CLUE” category.
I get other women asking me why didn’t I get a pap smear…another duh! There is no test for ovarian cancer. No major symptoms etc. It just is! Then there’s the “What did you do?” Uhhhh, nothing. I didn’t cause this to happen.
The worst was “Oh, that’s the bad woman’s cancer, isn’t it?”
Thanks for letting me know that…I was clueless.
The comment that sticks out most in my mind was, after waiting and waiting to get treatment started, after having been through one cycle of fludarabine and rituxan, which was rather rough, the nurse, while taking my blood pressure, looked at me and said “SO, are you here for your TREAT today?”
I looked at her like at her and wanted to just go “Ruf!” (lol)
Thankfully I am no longer associated with that particular cancer center and she was perhaps the first signpost that I needed to get the _ out of there!
God bless us and and give up patience to endure those who have no idea….
ha ha ha I love this blog of yours-
I chatted with the one of my old friends- she’s hearing… her reaction was shocked and she’d go “Would you rather to be deaf or have cancer?”. Well, duuuuuuuh! ha ha